Family love - and abandonment

Mom opens a gift of new clothing.

Two weekends ago I went to Pennsylvania to meet Mom's plane and help get her settled. She had traveled up from Florida to her new AL home in the small town where she and Dad lived for 30 years and not far from her birthplace. (We hired her friend, a nurse, to bring her, for those of you interested in the caregiving logistics.)

Seeing her in all the old places was momentous. She didn't look out the window much, despite me pointing and yelling. "Look, Mom, the bonsai farm!  Jake's Flea Market! Country Meats!"  She did agree the fall foliage was lovely.

What was even more dear was the birthday party we had for her on the second day at the new AL. My cousins and Aunt J. came. I hadn't seen some of them for years -- I haven't lived in the area for eons -- and neither had Mom. We had lunch and cake in a private dining room.

No matter that I hadn't seen my family nor really spoken with them in years. They showed up. They cried with me, and offered help. They have visited Mom several times since, as I struggle to keep Dad alive here in New Jersey.  Dad's brother, with whom Dad had also lost contact for a number of years, now calls every day, and has driven hours to visit on many a bleak day.

That's what family means. My mom's sister, Aunt C., who didn't go to see her once at the home in Florida, though she lives a mere two hours away? Who didn't lift a finger to help her or my dad during the year and a half he took care of Mom at home? Is that family? I'm still struggling with that one. This same sister also ditched my grandmother, leaving her completely in Mom's care during the agonizing, disease-ridden last three years of Grandmother's life. Mom was never the same after.  It was that grueling.

I know it's not very yogic of me, but I don't think I can bring myself to ever gaze upon Aunt C. again. Though we could also be accused of ignoring my cousins and uncle, I suppose. But in a clutch, I like to think I would have stepped up.

Anyway, in the middle of the party, during a lull in the jokes and laughter, Mom looks up and addresses my aunt.  Keep in mind she rarely initiates a comment anymore and is semi-responsive when you address her. Anyway, she says, loud and clear, "It's good to see you again, J."

Pass the tissues!