The past two months have been a flurry of cross-state relocations: My dad back to Florida, myself and family "down South," and now, soon, Mom to a new home, just a few streets from my new house-to-be.
Caregiving from afar brings its own challenges. We weren't quite ready to send Dad off, but he was very eager to be in his own place in the sun. So with promises extracted from him to follow his med schedule religiously; to not go too far from home; to avoid salty foods; and to get a plethora of household helpers on board, I nervously let him go.
He has broken every single one of his promises. For some reason, unless a drug is clearly anti-rejection, he feels he can just add or drop it at will. He's not simpleminded; he's clear enough in his head now to conduct major business transactions vis a vis life insurance and the like. I am powerless to explain this blatant -- what, ignorance? rebelliousness? -- and it has led to several shouting matches over the phone, which sets back my hard-won peace of mind quite a bit. At this point, I figure he owes me about a thousand bucks for wasted yoga classes.
Joking, joking. But it's mighty hard to care for someone who seems to not give a damn about caring for himself.
Flash forward. I'm in Virginia, and spent most of my second weekend here driving four hours each way to visit Mom in Pennsylvania. There she lies, now, completely unable to communicate and several states away. While there are loving cousins nearby, I found this unbearable. On the way home, I decided I had to move her to a facility close by. Y'all know what the entails -- the touring; the paperwork; the uncertainty of putting your loved one into a new set of strange hands. Did I mention that this new place costs thousands more, too? Dad is footing the bill; he is certainly far more supportive of her care than his own.
Plus, Mom isn't the typical resident. Not that there is one, but here is a younger woman, completely paralyzed and quite rigid. Her needs are not the norm. I did my best to let folks know who would be showing up at their doorstep, but I imagine there will be a long period of acquainting her hospice and her new home with the immense challenges of caring for someone with PSP.
Meanwhile, the new home is blocks away from my house. So this will be my first time helping to care for her in my own vicinity. Will I be there every day? Or almost? Or will I not go that much, given the hassles of moving, finding a new job, raising tweens etcetera -- and then feel guilty? It remains to be seen. But I do still find that I enjoy being in her presence, and it soothes me to feel that I'm comforting her, to the extent that I can. She can't respond, but I know she loves family being around. I just know it.
Caregiving from afar brings its own challenges. We weren't quite ready to send Dad off, but he was very eager to be in his own place in the sun. So with promises extracted from him to follow his med schedule religiously; to not go too far from home; to avoid salty foods; and to get a plethora of household helpers on board, I nervously let him go.
Joking, joking. But it's mighty hard to care for someone who seems to not give a damn about caring for himself.
Flash forward. I'm in Virginia, and spent most of my second weekend here driving four hours each way to visit Mom in Pennsylvania. There she lies, now, completely unable to communicate and several states away. While there are loving cousins nearby, I found this unbearable. On the way home, I decided I had to move her to a facility close by. Y'all know what the entails -- the touring; the paperwork; the uncertainty of putting your loved one into a new set of strange hands. Did I mention that this new place costs thousands more, too? Dad is footing the bill; he is certainly far more supportive of her care than his own.
Plus, Mom isn't the typical resident. Not that there is one, but here is a younger woman, completely paralyzed and quite rigid. Her needs are not the norm. I did my best to let folks know who would be showing up at their doorstep, but I imagine there will be a long period of acquainting her hospice and her new home with the immense challenges of caring for someone with PSP.
Meanwhile, the new home is blocks away from my house. So this will be my first time helping to care for her in my own vicinity. Will I be there every day? Or almost? Or will I not go that much, given the hassles of moving, finding a new job, raising tweens etcetera -- and then feel guilty? It remains to be seen. But I do still find that I enjoy being in her presence, and it soothes me to feel that I'm comforting her, to the extent that I can. She can't respond, but I know she loves family being around. I just know it.
