How many times has someone said to you, "Hey, how are you doing?" and your mind immediately went to your sick loved one, and how well he or she was doing that day, before you framed your own answer to that question?
That happens to me all the time. At first, I took it as normal, and I was actually offended when people assumed that I could, in fact, be well and happy. Good gawd, people, my parents are dying, and you have the gall to ask how I am?
Of course, even if I'd just spent a grueling day in the ICU, I answered anyway that I was doing just fine. Because that's how we usually respond, right? Does anybody really say, "You know, I'm feeling crappy, thanks for asking?"
I realize now, though, that that was the truth. I, myself, was actually o.k. I suspect that too often we caregivers take our patients' sicknesses as our own. Of course, they are going to be constantly on our minds. But are we physically sick? Do we also have PSP, or need a liver transplant? No, we don't. We are alive and well, and our health and mental state should, if at all possible, be addressed separately from the illnesses suffered by our loved ones.
If you don't mind me saying, caregiver friends -- you have a life. Don't forget that. Hold it dear. If your normal routines, your social life, and your friends seem very remote, try to nourish that inner life any way you can. More about this to come.
That happens to me all the time. At first, I took it as normal, and I was actually offended when people assumed that I could, in fact, be well and happy. Good gawd, people, my parents are dying, and you have the gall to ask how I am?
Of course, even if I'd just spent a grueling day in the ICU, I answered anyway that I was doing just fine. Because that's how we usually respond, right? Does anybody really say, "You know, I'm feeling crappy, thanks for asking?"
I realize now, though, that that was the truth. I, myself, was actually o.k. I suspect that too often we caregivers take our patients' sicknesses as our own. Of course, they are going to be constantly on our minds. But are we physically sick? Do we also have PSP, or need a liver transplant? No, we don't. We are alive and well, and our health and mental state should, if at all possible, be addressed separately from the illnesses suffered by our loved ones.
If you don't mind me saying, caregiver friends -- you have a life. Don't forget that. Hold it dear. If your normal routines, your social life, and your friends seem very remote, try to nourish that inner life any way you can. More about this to come.
