Home for the holidays

I have been dreading this post, but then, I'm also dreading the holidays. I'm not sure what I'll find when we get to my parents' -- I haven't seen mom in four months, and my dad says she's sinking quickly. I also feel pressure to make this a nice holiday, possibly our last together, and I don't think my parents have been able to prepare, understandably. I'll have about five days to throw a Christmas together.

Part of me says screw it. I'll never be able to replicate the over-the-top hols of my youth. We started early Christmas Eve with candlelight mass, then on to my Meemom's house (Dad's mom), then Grandmother's house. The next morning, after opening gifts in my own elaborately decorated home and choosing from literally dozens of homemade cookies for breakfast, on to my Aunt June's house for a huge Roast Beast Feast. The number of gifts I received was obscene.

My kids are actually much more in tune with the big family scene for Chinese New Year than Christmas -- I've lost touch with many of my cousins, and grandparents are gone. I'm not religious, though am tempted to slide into Christmas Eve mass this year. (This would probably induce a public meltdown, though.) As we're leaving in a few days, I didn't even bother with a tree, which distressed my kids somewhat. Compensated by laying out extra bucks for gifts, which is just wrong, I know.

Feeling wrenched also because DeeDee, who writes the other "Mom's Dementia" blog, lost her mother a week ago. She was 63.