I have been noticing some significant changes in my persona since this horror began. At first, I thought it was for the better, strangely. I felt calmer and began living more in the moment -- when the almost-worst-thing in the world happens, you start to wake up a bit. I did shift my priorities, too. Family first, and health. And oh, yeah, since I may get dementia, too, FLD having some hereditary link, I'd better figure out fast what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. This gave me more focus and determination.
Now things are starting to fray. I feel very, very close to the edge many days. Say the wrong thing and I'm likely to shout or break into tears, as my kids have discovered (and quite a few rude drivers). There are other stressors on top of Mom, including my daughter's hearing problem, my own month-long bout with bad bronchitis, and my husband having to go out of state to work, there being no suitable job around here at the moment.
To some extent, I feel entitled to a breakdown. I'm thinking perhaps I should start some kind of therapy, or a help group at the least, and I'm considering some kind of medical intervention, too. It's beyond yoga. I"m starting to worry that it's affecting my work, too -- I'm more careless, and I worry constantly that I'll snap and, say, tell someone off, or just walk out.
As a matter of fact, I'm having difficulty typing this. Going to take a break. And I"m not even the main caretaker for my mom! How are you all doing? How do you cope?
Hi Stacy,
ReplyDeleteMy mum was recently diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's disease at the age of 55. I had a bit of difficulty accepting the diagnosis as I was expecting one of fronto temporal dementia; she exhibted very unusual, embarrassing, and socially unacceptable behaviour long before any symptoms of memory loss began to surface. She is also unaware that her behaviour is in any way strange. She has difficulty expressing emotions and reading and reacting to other people's moods or actions. She too struggles with the complexities of a menu, it's like a rubix cube! And she's been eating like a horse. So while our mother's have been diagnosed with slightly different illnesses I think we have some things in common.
I can't imagine how you're dealing with the heartbreak of your mum's disease as well as the other major things going on in your life. And I think it's great that you're blogging about it as I've found reading about others' experiences to be immensly helpful. I would say absolutely join a support group, if nothing else it'll give you the opportunity to vent to people who understand and know exactly hat you're going through and could help release tention and reduce the risk of taking it out on other people. I've been impacted by my mum's diagnosis in a similar way. I havn't slept properly in months and am now having headaches on a daily basis,I worry about everything and anything way more than I used to, I'm an emotional wreck, I've found myself snapping at innocent people, and my concentration is shot. I find myself losing my train of thought mid story a lot and the first thing I think is; Oh no, it's the dreaded genes!! But i'm putting it down to stress.I think a suport group could be helpful in this regard.
Also if you feel the need then I would appoach my doctor to ask for advice on anything else that could help you cope. You're going through a really difficult time and have to make sure you take care of yourself as well as everybody else.
Sorry for writing a huge essay! I stumbled across your blog and was just wondering how you've been getting on over the past few days. A bit better I hope.
Take care,
Clair.