Talking to the kids, part two

A number of family members have questioned how my kids are handling living with Mom. Background here -- when they were younger, they were as close to Nana as it was possible for grandkids to be. My mom was the first person other than myself and my partner to hold them; she lived with us for a month after they were born and drove 2 1/2 hours every week to help with them for a couple of days. To one of the girls in particular she was truly a soulmate; the two were overjoyed just to be in each other's presence.

Now she lives far, far away, and her illness has taken her even farther from their immediate attention. She doesn't join conversations or suggest games, and for two lively primary schoolers who don't stop chattering for a minute, maintaining a meaninful relationship has been difficult. They see she's sick; see me helping her totter up or down stairs; they see her emerging from her bedroom with her bra on over her shirt, or sans pants. They don't know, however, the extent of her illness, and I don't see any reason why they should.

Honestly, I don't know what to say to them, beyond what my dad and their godmother suggested - let them know that even though Nana can't really talk to them, or smile, or walk on over and give them a big hug, that's she's still Nana inside and loves them madly. I said this to the kids, which seemed to help, and every now and then I'll nudge one or other of the girls over to give her a hug or a kiss, which they do willingly and which seems to please everyone greatly afterward.

In fact, last night at the dinner table, Mom suddenly says, "I want..." I say, "What, Mom, what is it? More dumplings? Water?" She smiled and shook her head, and the kids joined in: To watch t.v.? A turtle? A new pair of shoes? Soon, we were all giggling; proving once again that humor conquers all.

Then I had an idea; I gave Mom a pen. "Here, Mom, just write it down." Shakily, she wrote: "To go to Toys-R-Us." The kids erupted into cheers.

Photo: Nana serves a birthday cake she made to an adoring audience. June, 2007